The Nanny's Christmas Wish Page 5

  Maggie swallowed. She heard both the warning and the regret in his voice. He’d made a vow and intended to keep it. She could understand and respect that, and she would. But still, there was no blame here.

  She laid her hand on his arm and tried for diplomacy. “Josh, it’s not your fault she died. How could they think that?” A snowy night, the newspaper article had said, and the car hit a tree. Lucy had been the only occupant in the vehicle.

  In the cold wash of the silver moon, she saw his features go even harder. The rough wool of his jacket scraped her hand when he pulled his arm away and stood up. “Because it’s the truth.” The rawness in his voice sliced across her soul. “Her family wants nothing to do with me. Sad to say, it’s mutual. I’m sorry I brought it up, Maggie. Not sure what I was thinking. Forget I said anything.”

  Maggie squeezed her eyes shut against the burn of tears as he crossed the porch and closed the door behind him with a slight bang. She dropped her head to her knees as the tears made hot tracks down her cold cheeks.

  Her family wants nothing to do with me.

  Her stomach rolled, both at the words and the pain behind them. What a horrible situation for all of them. Her heart ached.

  A terrible thought hit her. He wanted nothing to do with Lucy’s family. If he found out she was technically family…

  He’d fire her and she’d lose her only connection to Cody and Lucy.

  She sucked in a breath, the chilly air burning her lungs, and swiped at her wet cheeks. Her secret, and the choice she’d made to keep it, weighed on her more than ever. She’d made a hell of a mess of her good intentions.

  Where did she go from here?

  * * *

  Josh avoided Maggie as much as possible over the next few days, given they lived in the same house. That she cared for his son. That they ate meals together. It made things a little tricky but it was better than examining why he’d felt compelled to try and explain the whole Lucy thing.

  How I failed her. Though he figured he’d made that pretty clear.

  On the other hand, hadn’t he intended to make clear why he was off-limits? Not that she’d pushed anything. He seemed to be the one struggling with this attraction thing. It had been a stupid lapse on his part.

  “You and Cody still on for tonight?” Marta’s voice shattered his thoughts.

  “Yeah. Cody can’t wait to spend the night. He’s talked about it all week.” Normally, Josh looked forward to the poker game he played with Travis and a couple of their buddies once a month. Cody stayed at Trav’s house with Marta and their son JT. Tonight he anticipated it for a completely different reason—it’d be legitimate time away from Maggie and her big blue eyes and all the temptations he’d shut himself off from. Things he hadn’t even known he’d missed, that really he’d never had with Lucy. He didn’t want to look at Maggie and see possibilities. It was too hard.

  “So has JT.” Marta studied him, then seemed to rethink whatever she’d been about to say. Instead, she swung her bag on her shoulder. “We’ll see you in an hour or so.”

  “Yep. See you then.”

  Marta left and Josh pulled his stethoscope from around his neck and tossed it on his desk. He’d lock up, then stop on the way home for a six-pack. Maggie would have dinner ready and then he’d take his son and escape his own house.

  * * *

  Cody chattered nonstop the whole way to Marta and Travis’s house. Nothing out of the ordinary there. He enjoyed listening to the little guy talk. Josh turned into the driveway and Cody leaned over to peer out his window.

  “I see him! I see JT!” he cried, and Josh laughed.

  “I see him, too,” he said, waving at the little boy in the picture window. “Let’s get you inside.”

  November had ushered in much colder, rainier weather and tonight was no exception. A few hard pellets of snow fell with the rain, tossed around by the brisk breeze. Josh opened Cody’s door, grabbed his son’s backpack and hurried behind him to the house. Marta had the door open before they even got on the porch. She closed it behind them as Cody and JT greeted each other with much excitement, then Cody shouldered his backpack and started to follow his friend.

  “Hang on, Code.” Josh caught his son by the pack’s strap. “Give me a hug. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

  Cody hugged him hard and Josh inhaled the sweet scent of his son. “Okay, Daddy. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.” Josh ruffled Cody’s curls affectionately and watched as his boy hurried after JT. Josh turned to Marta, who looked at him with amusement. “What?”

  “You’re such a good dad,” she said.

  He arched his brow, feigning hurt. “What? That’s a surprise?”

  She laughed. “Of course not. Not to me, anyway.”

  Josh frowned, serious now. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean you seem to think sometimes you aren’t. You’re too busy, he has a nanny, whatever. But the time you do spend with him, you make really count.” She punched him lightly on the arm. “Just an observation. Trav is in the garage. Don’t worry about Cody. He’ll be fine.”

  “I know he will. Thanks, Marta.” Josh walked through the house to the back door. He could hear JT and Cody laughing and the sound made him smile as he left the house and jogged around to the garage. He wasn’t completely sure he believed Marta as far as being a good dad went. After all, Cody didn’t have a mom anymore—but he did try to be as present as possible for his son. When he wasn’t half-tangled in knots over the nanny, of course.

  He wasn’t going any further down that road.

  Travis glanced up as Josh entered the garage. “Give me a sec, then we’ll go.”

  “No problem. We’ve got time.”

  He waited while Trav finished up. Always, his friend tinkered with engines. This time, he had the hood up on his wife’s car. That same dedication made him an excellent mechanic and his garage so successful.

  Trav dropped the hood with a thunk and washed up at the sink in the corner of the heated garage, then grabbed his jacket off the hood of his truck. “Ready to play?”

  “I am,” Josh agreed.

  “Where’s the nanny?”

  “She has the night off.” Josh hoped Trav would leave it at that. Both men got in the SUV and Josh turned the engine over.

  A pause. “So if she’s got the night off, why are you hanging with us?”

  “It’s game night,” Josh said. He tried not to think of the awkward dinner they’d endured. While polite, she’d said as little as possible to him. Both of them had focused on Cody. When he’d left the house, she’d given Cody a hug.

  He got a polite nod and she wished him luck.

  “Let me get this straight,” Travis said as if Josh was somehow incapable of grasping the obvious. “You’ve got a gorgeous single woman under your roof and a place for Cody to go for the night. And you are going to hang out with the guys.” He shook his head.

  Without thinking, Josh said, “How do you know she’s single and gorgeous? Where did you see her?”

  Trav sent him a “gotcha” grin. “I didn’t know. Until now.”

  Caught, Josh bristled. “It’s not like that. You of all people know why I’m not going there. On top of that, Maggie works for me. She’s great with Cody. I’m not going to screw that up.” Any more than he already had.

  Trav sighed. “I know, man. I know. I just wish…” He trailed off.

  “What?”

  His friend took a minute before answering. “That you’d give yourself a chance. Or, I guess, let yourself have a chance. If it’s not Maggie, fine. But what happens when you meet someone and you want to pursue it?”

  Josh’s insides twisted. “I won’t.” He sounded more resolute than he felt.

  Travis was silent for a long moment, then said, “Have it your way.”

  Josh didn’t answer. A hollow feeling filled his chest. For the first time he wondered if keeping his promise to Lucy was possible. Could he continue to put aside his needs, his life, as
penance for the loss of hers? He’d been so careful for the past three years to avoid any kind of possible romantic entanglement. It hadn’t been difficult. Now he had a potential one living under his roof.

  He tried to call up Lucy’s face, but her dark hair and blue eyes morphed into Maggie’s. He stifled a groan as he turned into the driveway of their buddy’s house. He needed to focus on what was really important here, which was Cody and his well-being. Trav was wrong. He wouldn’t be pursuing anyone. Cody needed him. All of him.

  He’d do well to remember that.

  * * *

  Maggie clicked the dishwasher on and leaned back on the counter. Normally, she’d enjoy an evening to herself, take the opportunity to have a hot bath and read a good book. But tonight, she was restless. Her mind kept cycling back to Josh and what he’d told her about Lucy and her family.

  And she still didn’t know what to do about it.

  Her heart ached for both Lucy and Josh. For his pain and loss and guilt. With her own.

  Unable to stay in the house, she grabbed her coat. From the front window, she could see lights were on in Hannah’s house. Decision made, she headed out the door, into the cold.

  Hannah answered on the third knock. Her eyes widened when she saw Maggie standing there, and a big smile lit her gorgeous face. “Yay! You came! Come on in,” she invited and stepped back out of the doorway. “It’s nasty out there.”

  “It is,” Maggie agreed. “Do you need help with anything tonight? I would have called but I didn’t have your number.”

  “Oh, trust me, you’re fine,” Hannah assured her. “I can always use the help. I’ve got a lot of rooms to scrape and paint. Most of them have some kind of weird peeling wallpaper. So there’s always something.”

  Maggie stepped inside the foyer and peered with interest into the cozy room just off it. Two couches in what looked like dark green velvet, deep leather club chairs and a dancing fire made it inviting. “This room is lovely. It feels so warm.”

  Hannah beamed. “Thanks. I did it first—it didn’t need much—but I needed something to show myself what it could look like. One room that wasn’t chaotic or torn up or unfinished or ugly. So it’s my inspiration room. It helps me keep plugging away.” She pointed at a coat tree by the door. “You can hang your jacket there. I’ll show you where I’m working.”

  Maggie hung her coat and followed Hannah up the stairs, which featured a carved handrail and a dark stain. Nearly every tread creaked under her feet. At the top of the stairs, Hannah walked a little way down the hall and stopped at a doorway with light spilling out of it. “I gotta warn you,” she said with a grin, “this is a particularly bad example of nineteen-seventies wallpaper.”

  Maggie followed her into the room and laughed at the garish gold, brown and green print of people standing by a pond. “Oh, who thought these things up? And why would anyone ever think this would be a tasteful print to relax by?”

  Hannah shook her head and shrugged. “I’ve been wondering that myself. There have been some doozies of weird wallpapers in this house. But this will make for a good ‘before’ print in my scrapbook. I mean, anything I do from here is an improvement.”

  Hannah showed Maggie how to apply the homemade wallpaper solvent, peel the paper and scrape any stubborn residue. With the radio on low, tuned to a local soft rock station, they worked without speaking for a few minutes.

  “So,” Hannah said, “what brought you to Holden’s Crossing?”

  Maggie tensed. She didn’t want to lie to Hannah. But could she trust the other woman?

  Chapter Five

  “A very messy divorce,” Maggie said after a small pause. It certainly was true. The divorce had been rough. Being cast aside for another woman was never easy. But without the divorce, she wouldn’t have come here.

  Hannah sat back on her heels and regarded Maggie with sympathy. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What happened? You don’t have to talk about it, of course,” she added quickly.

  “It’s okay. I don’t mind. He cheated. And started a family with someone else.” How odd those few words could encapsulate the deed that tore apart her life. And yet she could say them so calmly. “I lost my job when we divorced, since he had pull with my boss. I was a fourth-grade teacher. It was just easier to move.” To get away from the whispers and the pitying looks. To get away from him.

  Hannah covered her mouth with her hand. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”

  Maggie nodded. “Yeah, it was. But it’s working out okay. I just needed a new start, I guess.” For lots of reasons.

  “I hear you. This is a new start for me, too.”

  “A pretty ambitious one,” Maggie commented, glad to switch the focus from herself. She pulled on the dampened paper and it peeled off in a small section.

  Hannah tapped her scraper on the wall. “It is. But it’s exactly what I needed to start over.” She shrugged. “I’m divorced, too. Like you, it wasn’t a nice one. I bought this house right afterward with my settlement. Anyway. How’s it going with Josh?”

  Maggie bit back a sigh. “Fine. He’s nice enough, good to work for, and he’s a fantastic dad to Cody.” All nice, neutral facts. She doubted she could get anything so bland past Hannah much longer.

  “Uh-huh. And one of Holden’s Crossing’s most eligible bachelors.” A teasing note entered Hannah’s voice. “I think nearly every woman in town has either thrown herself or a single female relative at his feet.”

  Maggie’s grip on the scraper slipped as her stomach plummeted. This was news. “Seriously? I didn’t get the impression he’s a player.” She knew for a fact he wasn’t.

  “Oh, no.” Hannah shook her head and laughed. “He’s not. He just steps over their bodies and keeps on going. There are a few, though, who have decided if he wants to date again it’s going to be them. So you might want to watch out.”

  Startled, Maggie turned to look at her friend. “Me? Why?”

  Hannah shrugged and slapped more solvent on the wall. “Because you live with him. Because you are young and gorgeous and because, as far as they can see, you’re single. That makes you a target and an enemy. And, trust me, there are a couple of women here who will look at you exactly that way.”

  Maggie bit back a sigh. “Great. I’m just Cody’s nanny. God knows I’m not looking for anything more. My last relationship was bad enough. Why would I ever want to go through that again?”

  Hannah slanted her a look. “Because you found the right man this time. It happens. And I’m just giving you a heads-up on this.”

  “Lovely,” Maggie said grimly. A cold thought gripped her. What if someone were to explore her background? Could her relationship to Lucy come up? Then she realized Hannah was speaking. “I’m sorry. What was that?”

  “I just said not to worry about it too much. Josh can take care of himself, and you can, too. I just didn’t want you to be surprised if some kitty-cat claws come your way when you didn’t expect it.”

  “Thanks for the warning,” Maggie said drily.

  Hannah grinned. “No problem. What are friends for?”

  * * *

  Maggie left Hannah’s at ten. Later than she’d planned, but hopefully still early enough to avoid Josh.

  No more awkward run-ins, thank you very much. The past few days had been bad enough, what with his clear worry over what he’d told her and her own fear and guilt. This definitely hadn’t turned out the way she’d planned when she’d come here.

  Leaves crunched under her feet as she walked. She shoved her hands in her coat pockets and tilted her head back to look at the stars. Even with the streetlights, they were a bright sparkle on the night sky.

  A swoop of lights and an engine caught her attention. Her heartbeat picked up. It couldn’t be Josh. He was playing poker with his buddies. Would they really end this early?

  Yes, they would. Maggie slowed her pace when the SUV pulled into Josh’s driveway. Too late—he had to have seen her, since she was only two houses away. As tempting
as it was, she couldn’t exactly dive into the neighbor’s shrubbery.

  He parked in the driveway, got out and leaned on the truck, watching her approach. Maggie’s pulse kicked up even higher and she kept her hands balled into fists in her pockets. They’d barely spoken all week, which was fine with her. Now, when Cody was no longer there to buffer them, he wanted to talk?

  How cruel was that?

  Josh pushed off the truck as she stepped into the driveway. His features were thrown into shadow by the nearby streetlight that leaked through the pine trees. She could feel the intensity of his gaze on her. She didn’t speak, couldn’t seem to get anything out of her throat.

  “Hi,” he said. His voice was low, but in the silence of the night it might as well have been a roar.

  “Hi,” she managed to respond. She stopped in front of him, unable to simply go on by. Awkwardness or not, he was her employer. And she didn’t want him to know how he affected her.

  “Out for a walk?”

  “Not really. I just came from Hannah’s. Spent some time removing ugly wallpaper.” Her heart beat fast, but her voice was calm. That was good.

  He nodded. “She’s got quite a project down there.” He stepped closer and she inhaled sharply. “I owe you an apology,” he murmured. Her traitorous feet wouldn’t move, wouldn’t take the backward step her brain screamed she should take.

  “Really? For what?” He was close enough now she could smell his leather jacket, his scent. The little shiver that ran up her spine had nothing to do with the chill of the night.

  He scooped a lock of her hair back over her shoulder, his fingers brushing her cheek. The heat from the caress shot straight down. If she leaned forward just a little bit, she could touch him. This time she did step back and willed her knees to hold her. He cleared his throat and jingled his keys.

  “For acting the way I have this week. My marriage to Lucy and the problems with her family have nothing to do with you. I’m sorry for getting personal. I crossed the line.”